I Got You
by Just Chasing Rainbows
Summary: Some Emma and Howard fluff (well I hope it'll be fluffy)
1. Chapter 1

**I had originally planned this as a one-shot but I have a feeling it may end up a bit long for that so I'm going to post this in a few parts. I hope this is ok :-)**

"And how is little Bellamy this morning?" Howard smiled as he stepped in to the staff area of the Mill. He was doing an awful lot more smiling recently, and while Mrs Tembe liked to put it down to her happiness project – which much to everyone's annoyance she had continued – in truth it was down to the woman who was sitting on the sofa.

"We are not calling the baby Bellamy Reid," It's a conversation they have had numerous times. Emma insisting that the baby will have a double barrelled surname, while Howard has moved on to thinking that the baby – regardless of gender – should have Bellamy as a christian name with Reid as the surname. She knows he enjoys this; pushing her buttons. It brings a smile to her face just thinking about it.

"And shouldn't you be at home anyway?" He switches to their other regular topic. She has been on maternity leave for coming up 3 weeks, and she has spent precisely 4 days of this at home; and those had been during the first week. After that she'd taken to coming to the Mill and undertaking any jobs that she could – usually while trying to evade Howard's watchful eye. She knows she should be resting, but she missed having people around her. She'd be fine the first day when Niamh had, had a day off and the second had been bearable because Ayesha had a late start for work but once she was alone, Emma had found herself at a loss.

"This little one was missing her daddy," She watches as his lips twitch as he tries to keep his smile for splitting his face in two. She knows that using the baby is the best way to get around him. In truth, she misses him too when he's not around. He has been a regular visitor to the house, to the point where the girls regularly joke that he should just move in – but he has only stayed the night twice.

" _This is your fault," He awoke, stiff and sore unsure as to why he was on the floor and why he could hear Emma's voice. It took him a moment of two for him to come to his senses; to remember what had happened the day before. Emma had been so shaken in the hours after their appointment with Ruhma. He'd never seen her that way before, and it had scared him. He could still feel the way his stomach had dropped, when she'd been experiencing the abdominal cramps and told him that they needed to get to the midwife. He could still feel the areas on his hand where Emma had dug in her nails; part of him feared that she would have drawn blood. He looks down now, surprised that the crescent moon marks have now faded away; as though yesterday hadn't happened. It had been agonising, waiting for the midwife to locate the heartbeat. He half thought his own heart had ceased beating as stood there in the room, engulfed in silence. And then it had filled the space; the strong beat of the fetal heart. He'd watched as Emma had fought desperately not to give in to the tears that caused her eyes to sparkle._

 _When finally they'd been able to leave, Emma had been shaking. He'd wrapped his arms around her as they walked back to his car, and she had leaned her body against his, allowing herself to be guided for once. He'd wanted nothing more than to protect her, and their baby, to make sure that nothing like this happened again. He knew of course that there was nothing that he had done, but still … he feared that everything would disappear from in front of his eyes; the baby, Emma, the future that the three of them could have together. He wasn't even sure how that future was going to work, but he couldn't face the prospect of it not happening at all._

 _She'd been rather grudging in letting him stay. He had wanted her to rest for the remainder of the day, and he had taken pride in caring for her; in his own way. Even when Niamh and Ayesha had returned from their work day, and Emma has assured him that they could look after him even going so far as to point out that their qualifications; he had been determined. So she had relented, and he had ended up asleep on her floor. He is sure that he had been offered the sofa, but somehow this was where he had ended up. Now though, Emma seems to be annoyed about something and he has no idea as to what. She does, however, seem to be back to her normal self._

" _I'm sorry?" she startles slightly at the sound of his voice, before spinning around to look at him. She is already pulling on her clothes ready for the day, and he is surprised that she hadn't woken up before. She is frowning._

" _I can't do up my trousers," she narrows her eyes, pulling at the fastening of her trousers but she cannot get them to come together, or at least not in a way that is at all wearable. She is certain that when she was pregnant with Chris, she hadn't had this problem so early in the pregnancy, "If it wasn't for you .."_

" _You were there too," He retorts almost instantaneously, rubbing at his eyes in the hope that they will focus fully. She rolls her eyes, but he is distracted from that now. Instead his eyes have tracked down the trousers' waistband. Slowly he moves closer towards her, when he is close enough he hesitantly reaches out a hand to place it in the gap where Emma couldn't get the trousers to come together. He can't really tell if it feels any bigger than before, but it must have thickened somehow_

" _Howard," She froze at his touch, unsure of whether she should step back from him leaving his hand hanging or if she should allow him that contact with her body. She didn't want him to think that he could do this whenever he wanted, just because she was carrying his child and yet there was something about his touch, and how it made her feel._

" _I'm sorry," his hand falls away of his own accord, and he shuffles suddenly aware of what he had done and the invasion of her body. Soon she will have a more obvious bump. He doesn't quite know how he will resist touching it, but he knows he will have too. Emma has made it clear that while they will be co-parenting this baby, they aren't together; that they don't work together as a couple. It would be different if they were in a relationship – the intimacy of touching her would be more acceptable._

" _Looks like I'll be going clothes shopping," she sighs softly, turning back towards her wardrobe in the hopes of finding a pair of trousers that will fit. The bulge does prove that there is something there; that the little person is growing. As much as she fears her pregnancy becoming much more obvious, there is something reassuring about the slight change in her shape. No doubt Niamh and Ayesha will be up for a shopping trip, though they'll probably end up with more for the baby than for her. She smiles at the prospect. It might even turn out to be fun, "Give me a bit of privacy to change, Howard," she can feel his eyes on her. He coughs slightly and mumbles something before leaving the room._

 _Once he is gone, she closes her eyes for a second and sighs once more. She is conflicted. She doesn't know how to feel about him being here. It's easier when he isn't and yet it's almost harder at the same time. She allows the offending trousers to fall to the floor, and places a hand against her abdomen. If it wasn't for this baby, she wouldn't have this problem. Nothing would have changed. Things will never be the same again. And yet she wouldn't change it. She runs her fingers over the surface, imagining the baby floating around, oblivious to the havoc it was causing. She shouldn't want this, but she does._

"Has our little one been behaving?" Having made himself a hot drink, he settles himself down next to her. He dislikes missing out on so many things. He knows that Emma keeps things from him; not wanting to bother him particularly if she considers something to be trivial. There are things he knows about; the times he had overheard Niamh or Ayesha talking but there is more that is hidden. He doesn't fully understand her day to day struggles, nor does he get to help her quite as much as he would like.

"My bladder is a punchbag, but yes," She doesn't expand on it. She doesn't need to tell him that a well-timed movement can send her running for the nearest toilet, or that she has been caught short more times than she'd care to admit. He doesn't need to know these aspects of her pregnancy. All he needs to know is that everything is fine.

"Bellamy, you listen to your daddy," he shifts position so that he is nearer her abdomen. She glances around to make sure there is no one around to witness this spectacle, "you listen to me, you be good to your mum," he likes to have these one sided talks with the baby. Now that the pregnancy is so much more advanced he has abandoned the bump buds, preferring the more direct method. He has insisted on her playing music as well, not just his singing but specially selected tracks.

"Well, I'm sure that will work," She can't help the slight sarcasm that laces her tone. The baby wriggles within her, as though scolding her for her attitude towards its father. It seems that already the child is on Howard's side. Not that this surprises her really. The baby seems to know when Howard is around, even when Howard isn't talking the baby seems to respond to his presence.

" _You know everyone knows right?" Niamh keeps her voice low, as she sits down next to Emma having been scolded for mentioning something related to the baby. At 19 weeks pregnant, there is a soft rounding of Emma's abdomen that is barely disguised by her clothes – clothes that had been purchased with the intention of hiding the bump but which drew attention because of how they differed from her regular attire. Still she hadn't officially confirmed to her colleagues – beyond Ayesha, Niamh and of course Howard – that she was expecting. She had reasoned with Howard that they should wait until the next scan now. He'd agreed purely to keep the peace, though she knew he wanted to make the announcement. In part so that the rest of the Mill staff could help in his quest to make sure Emma was alright, but also so that they understood why their workloads were increasing while Emma's shrunk. She'd argued that she could keep going as per normal, at least until everyone knew – and even then she wanted to pull her own weight; at which point Howard had made a remark about how she'd have extra bulk to pull – which had earned him a swipe with the papers she'd been holding._

" _Not everyone .." she knows what she says isn't true. Karen has been trying to get her to admit it for weeks, and seems to have roped others in now as well. They try to trick her in to saying the wrong thing and she has almost slipped up a few times before catching herself. It does seem though that they've been leaving Howard alone, perhaps not having realised that he is the father._

" _Yes everyone, "Niamh smiles, "We know you're worried about the scan but it'll all be fine" she sounds so bright as she talks. There is so much hope in Niamh, but Emma can only think about the things that may go wrong; the risks that are increased because of her age, because of how long ago her last pregnancy was, because of how she acted before she discovered her condition. There were so many things counting against this baby._

" _You don't know that, the bab …" she catches herself as a bustle of movement announces the arrival of her colleagues. She isn't even certain what this meeting is about, only that Mrs Tembe had insisted that they all gather during their lunch hour. Niamh rolls her eyes but resists saying anything._

 _As Mrs Tembe begins to talk, Emma finds that her attention wavers. She cannot help but think about the lunch that she had been planning; this baby seems to enjoy playing havoc with her taste buds and she seems to be spending a ridiculous amount of time thinking about food. Ayesha and Niamh had barely concealed their disgust at some of the things she had taken to eaten, and had been utterly repulsed when she had told them of the things she had craved with Chris. She had enjoyed teasing them, even more so when she had pointed out that they both could have this to come._

" _And I would like to thank you all," Mrs Tembe continued to talk, and Emma had no clue why she was thanking them. Chances are it was to do with the blasted Happiness project that they were all hoping she'd give up but she seemed convinced that there was positive results. She didn't seem to twig that there could have been causes other than her project. Around her, Emma could see the somewhat glazed expressions of her colleagues. They too were clearly disinterested, but Mrs T was entirely unaware of this and considered her audience to be captivated by what she was saying. It didn't seem to bother her that nobody else was participating._

 _When it seemed like Mrs T was getting close to finishing, Emma found herself gasping, hands almost instantly going to her abdomen even though she tried desperately to fight the instinct. She watched in almost slow motion as Howard sprang from his seat, possibly the furthest he could have sat from her, in order to come to a kneel position in front of her. She desperately tried to signal to him not too, that he didn't need to do this but Howard seemed entirely unaware._

" _Emma, are you alright? Is the baby?" and in that moment she wished she could stuff the words back in to his mouth. This was not the way she wanted her pregnancy to be revealed, nor the identity of the father. She watched as everyone seemed to perk up around the room, suddenly alert to what was happening in front of them, "Do I need to call Ruhma? Has she been experiencing twinges again?" The last comment is aimed at Niamh, and it is only then that she really picks up the note of panic in Howard's voice._

" _It's fine," she tries to sound calm, to dispel the moment. She wants nothing more than to get up and walk from the room but that will only cause the rise of conversation. She can feel the edges of her lips twitch up in a smile in spite of herself._

" _You gasped, you …" he gesticulates her action of holding her abdomen, which she realises she is still doing. Carefully she folds her hands in her lap, "After last time, I really think we should get checked over," He still isn't quite over that experience, though he has tried not to crowd her too much._

" _Emma," Niamh is leaning closer to her, "You need to tell us if something's happened," she knows its stupid but having such an audience isn't quite how she imagined this moment, but she cannot ignore the panicked face of Howard, or the concern on Niamh's. She sighs softly._

" _A kick," she speaks quietly, "the baby kicked for the first time," she's felt the odd movement; like bubbles or the flap of a butterfly's wings but this is the first definitive movement that she can attribute to the baby. She watches as Howard's face lights up. His hand raises tentatively, before he allows it fall back at his side._

" _Well this certainly is a happy moment," Mrs Tembe's voice fills the room, "and cause for a celebration," that is enough to break the moment and the room fills with chatter. Slowly Emma stands, and gesturing for Howard to follow her she makes her way to his office. With the door firmly closed, she takes his hand and guides it to the spot where she had felt the kick. She sees the hope and anticipation in his eyes, and she silently pleads for the baby to kick for daddy._

" _Was that ..?" When finally the baby kicks, Emma is not quite prepared for the look on Howard's face. She isn't sure she has ever seen him look quite so happy, and with no attempts to mask the emotions. She nods not quite trusting herself to speak, because her own emotions have been a little erratic recently, "Hello little Bellamy," Howard has sunk down on to his knees, hand still pressed against her abdomen beneath her top. She cannot help but smile as the baby kicks once more, nor can she resist laughing along with Howard, "That's our little one in there"_


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm sorry this repost took so long to do. Literally as soon as I posted it last time, I had a flashback idea, and I really didn't want to do non-consecutive flashbacks. I hope this is ok and I'm sorry for any errors.**

"Are you sure you're alright?" Absently she has been rubbing at her abdomen. It amazes her that the baby has any room left to move at all. It feels almost impossible that she could have nearly 3 weeks left of her pregnancy. Her consultant had grudgingly – and it was quite a battle on her part – accepted that she declined induction at term purely on the basis of her age – though now with just days until she reached the magical due date, she isn't as convinced she made the right decision.

"I'm fine," She could tell him a million and one things to contradict her statement but why should she tell him things like how she has been struggling to sleep at night, because either she cannot get comfortable or because as soon as she has found a comfortable position her bladder decides that it needs emptying right this second? She knows that if she does, he will order her to go home and rest.

"Emma …" She can feel the way that he is scrutinising her, probably weighing things up against the literature he has read around pregnancy. She had stopped asking him to attend consultant's appointments with her because he'd taken to showing off his new found knowledge; which had caused her no end of embarrassment. She'd wanted the ground to swallow her whole as she'd witnessed the debate between the professional and the over eager father. After that she'd made some excuse about the consultant's appointments.

"Just leave it Howard," she doesn't like being snappy with him. She knows that she'll feel guilty about it later, and it'll result in her apologising to him, and chances are he'll reciprocate. They seem to go around in circles. She knows that they could get off the repeat cycle if one of them made a move, but there is always the fear that rocking the boat will cause them to capsize completely. She pushes herself up from the sofa, her bladder having decided that she's sat down for long enough. He doesn't say anything as she walks away, but she knows his brain will be flipping in to overdrive.

" _How did it go?" Within seconds of entering the Mill, Niamh is on them – as though she has been lying in wait. It's sweet in a way, how excited Niamh is about the pregnancy now that she isn't brooding about losing her home, "did you find out?"_

 _Finding out the gender of their baby had been something of a bone of contention between Howard and Emma. At first, he had been determined that they should find out, and she had been the more reluctant party. He'd managed to put forward some convincing arguments towards finding out although it had been his eyes that had eventually swayed her to his way of thinking. The almost child-like excitement in his face had been impossible for her to resist, and wanting him to be happy he had agreed they would find out. Then he'd changed his mind, deciding that nothing would beat the moment of discovering on the day of their child's birth whether they had a son or daughter. He'd read, or watched, something where the father had been the one to announce the gender and had rather fancied doing that. By that point though, Emma had been quite set to finding out and being able to plan; the girls too wanted to know particularly after their shopping trip for new clothes for her, was mostly spent admiring items for the baby._

" _Little Bellamy was like his father," Howard smiled, "modest," when it came down to it, the baby had indeed made the decision for them. Baby Bellamy-Reid had behaved perfectly in letting the sonographer get all of the angles she needed, but had indeed been very modest. She has to stifle a laugh though at Howard's comment._

" _We did get pictures," She and Howard had sat and admired them in the car before making their way back to the Mill. She'd marvelled at how scans had improved since her pregnancy with Chris, and how the sonographer had managed to give them photos that showed their baby's hand and foot prints – as well as profile shots. Howard had been utterly entranced by the scan, his face such a picture she wished she'd been able to capture it. She didn't think she'd ever seen such a pure love in anyone's face. It almost made her envious of her baby which of course she had no right to be. There was no doubt that Howard was going to love his baby, but that was no reason to think he had to love it's mother; or that he wanted to be with her._

 _Before she knows it, Howard has slipped the photos from her bag – she's no idea how he can do such things without her noticing – and is joyfully showing them off to his colleagues. At some point Niamh was joined by an assortment of Mill staff. She watches him, feeling somewhat distant from the hive of activity when really she should be at its centre._

Standing in front of the mirror in the ladies, she studies her reflection. As her appearance starting to change, she had tried every trick in the book to mask it. She was envious of those women who only put on weight in the abdomen; the only evidence of their pregnancy the neat bump. She was one of the less fortune women, who seems to have increased in size in every possible place. She is certain that she has caught Howard studying her increased cleavage size.

He has been somewhat gracious though in not making too many comments about the changes, and those he does make are invariably positive. She doesn't believe that any man could find her beautiful in this state, and yet he likes to point out that she appears that way. Then again it was probably just love for his child that was colouring his view. He seemed to be willing to do anything for the baby, and as a result her. She feels the cycle of guilt beginning once more.

" _You know you can eat right?" From the moment he had arrived at the house, she knew he wasn't in the greatest of moods. Now sitting in the waiting area of St Phil's he was downright grumpy. He'd insisted that because she was unable to eat – due to having this ridiculous glucose test – he would starve alongside her. He'd promised her a proper meal out afterwards, which was in part keeping her going._

" _No, no," He fidgets in his seat, "what time was your appointment again?" he is alternating his glancing between his watch, the wall clock and the office door. Although he had taken the day off to come with her, she is certain he hadn't quite anticipated spending most of the morning in the hospital. She'd offered that he could just drop her off and pick her up rather than waiting around for the full two hours between blood tests but he had been insistent._

" _Howard, just get something from the vending machine," she tries to keep the edge of annoyance out of her voice. He doesn't have to suffer this. In fact it should be her moaning; she's the one that will have to down that disgusting glucose drink – having forgotten to bring her own with her. He could have enjoyed a proper breakfast._

" _We're in this together," but she knows his patience is wearing thin now. He doesn't like sitting idle. There is so much he could be done. Carefully she sneaks her hand in to his and gives it a slight squeeze. She really should be more grateful for him._

" _Emma Reid," The pair of them rise at the sound of her name, and follow the phlebotomist in to the treatment room. She settles her down, and watches as she prepares the drink, hating even the sight of it. She dreads the moment when she will have to drink it. She turns to look at Howard pressed against the wall, and she offers him a smile._

" _And you've fasted since midnight?" The phlebotomist asks, turning back to the pair._

" _I did," Emma answers quickly, longing for the moment that she can finally eat again. The prospect of fasting when pregnant is not an enjoyable one and worse still the baby seems to be making her cravings even worse today._

" _Midnight," Howard scoffs under his breath in the corner, and she has to resist rolling her eyes. As though it is some competition he appears to have tried fasting for longer. She doesn't always understand him, but she cannot help but smile just a little bit. Their poor child is never going to be able to win at board games against their father._

" _Right well …" The phlebotomist falters for a second before picking back up and explaining the process. Emma nods her understanding, and makes herself slightly more comfortable as the phlebotomist prepares to draw the first of her bloods._

" _That seems like quite a few bottles," Howard coughs slightly as he talks, and the phlebotomist pauses turning to look at him._

" _I'm going to take Emma's routine bloods as well as the first of the glucose tests," She smiles at him, "Are you alright?" He coughs again and nods back at her, which the phlebotomist accepts. She turns her head back to Emma, and starts to take the blood. Just as she releases the tourniquet, both Emma and the phlebotomist jump at the sound of a crash. Shifting position, they find Howard crumpled on the floor._

By the time she returns to the staff area Howard has disappeared. She isn't at all surprised by that really. Unlike herself, he has work to be getting on with. Her colleagues had been good about trying to find her things to do; things that weren't too taxing. She was even accepting of Mrs Tembe's tasks related to the Happiness Project.

"So you know what you're in charg …" Niamh's voice fills the staff area and Emma looks up just in time to catch the sharp shove that Ayesha gives her colleague, "Ah Emma I didn't know you were in here,"

"So what are you girls planning?" Emma shifts slightly, annoyed to find that the position that she'd found comfortable earlier, is now doing nothing for her aching spine. She cannot help but hope that the girls will be able to distract her with their topic of conversation. She watches the look that passes between the pair of them.

"Oh nothing," There is nothing in Niamh's voice that is even slightly convincing. The two of them busy themselves making drinks, neither one speaking. It is strange to Emma feeling so out of place. She knows that her mere presence here has caused the abrupt end to the girls conversation but she cannot quite work out why. There shouldn't be anything at the Mill that is being kept from her, unless there is some trouble that Howard doesn't want to stress her out with. But that doesn't make sense.

"How's Bud doing?" Ayesha is the first to settle herself down. She had adopted the nickname of Bud having found Howard's bump buds, "Has his movements picked up?" the girls had been so close to calling Howard the previous night when she'd let slip that she hadn't felt the baby move quite so much during the day. She'd tried to reason that she'd been kept busy at the Mill and that she had, likely, failed to notice the regular pattern of movements. She'd promised them both that if it continued in to today she'd phone the hospital's assessment unit in the hope that it would placate them. If they'd phoned Howard, he would have dragged her in to St Phils in the middle of the night.

"She seems to be trying to find the most uncomfortable positions possible," But it is reassuring that the baby has gone from being so quiet the day before to their normal wriggling self.

" _Why did I agree to this?" Emma ran her hands over her now rather pronounced abdomen. She was getting rather fed up with the comments relating to the number of babies that she was carrying – she had been assured by Ruhma that there was definitely only one in there, or those that insisted that she must be almost at her due date – in truth she had another 9 and a half weeks to go provided the baby decided to appear on time._

 _Howard had tried to talk her out of giving this talk, and now she wishes she had listened to him. She knows that he is fighting against saying that he told her so, in part because her emotional response will be quite unpredictable. She'd like to say she'd throw back a snappy retort but the reality is she's just as likely to burst in to tears at her own incompetence._

" _You'll be fine," Clearly Howard decides to take the safer option. He'd come along much to her chagrin. He had no reason whatsoever to be here, and she was certain that there was so much he could be doing back at the Mill but he had insisted that he would drive her, and sit in on her talk._

 _She doesn't really have much of a choice about doing this. They are already introducing her, so it is most definitely too late to back out. Almost without conscious thought she finds herself walking to the front of the room, and gazing out at the group of students. She tries to force a smile on to her face, as she scans the room to find where Howard has settled himself._

 _She starts her talk, and tries to keep herself on track while battling with a somewhat problematic powerpoint presentation, that Howard had delighted in helping her to make. She had been perfectly happy to talk without any technological interference but he had been insistent that if she intended to do this, then she had to do it properly. As she talks, she rubs the top of her bump, pressing ever so slightly. She cannot help but notice that she is starting to sound breathless as she tries to continue speaking._

 _Out of the corner of her eye she can see Howard starting to rise up out of his seat, most likely to rush to her aid. She tries shaking her head as though that will convince him to stay seated. She doesn't want him to make yet another scene. He is all too good at doing that. She breathes deeply, closing her eyes for a second as she increases the pressure on her bump. By the time she has opened her eyes once more, she sees that Howard has made his way to the end of his row._

" _I'm sorry about this," She hates having to draw attention to her pregnancy, "the baby is currently pressing right in to my ribs," she rocks her hips slightly, trying to convince the baby to shift its position ever so slightly so that she can at least manage to breathe more easily. Trust a child of Howard's to make things as uncomfortable as possible for her, and to make it even clearer that this was not her best idea._

 _Howard was now at her side, whispering questions at her as though that would make this less obvious. She repeats what she had already said, but he seems fair less convinced. Finally the baby wriggles slightly, she presumes in response to hearing it's father's voice. She allows her hand to fall away from her abdomen and looks back out at her audience._

" _Right, where were we?" she glances back at the powerpoint, trying to regain her train of thought, while watching Howard out of the corner of her eye. She had hoped her would make his way back to his seat, but instead he is settling himself behind the desk, making himself comfortable._

" _I'll just control the presentation for you," he speaks brightly, clearly pleased that he has found a reason for sticking close to her. She pauses for a moment, cursing her swinging emotions for the well of tears in her eyes. She curses him for wanting to help her and then herself for being ungrateful. She knows he means well, but he is like her shadow at times, "Emma .." he speaks her name more sharply pulling her back in to the room. She hastily rubs at her eyes, trying to hide any evidence from the sheen of moisture that had been there. She returns to her talk, but her mind struggles to stray from thoughts of the man by her side._


End file.
